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I’m off on my own again. The feeling of being surrounded yet alone is suffocating. I’d rather be alone and feel surrounded. So I go out alone, and I feel your presence immediately. You are all around me. The way the leaves are colored and the way the twisted, old trees look in the afternoon sun. You are glorious. I breathe in the cold crisp air and wonder how it can be so cold yet burn at the same time. You are a mystery to me, you make my mind swirl with questions. I’ve long badgered you with my silence, and how long it’s lasted I’m not even sure anymore. In the midst of barely hearing my voice I’ve cried for you in agony to help me. Despite the fact I barely acknowledged you as God as you deserved, I hardly gave you the praise you deserved, you offered your hand to me still. You reached down to me and carried me out of the mud hole.
You lead me to road I’ve walked many times, but each time I find it even more enchanting. It is never the same twice. There is always something new to observe as I walk this dark, dirt road that is totally surrounded by trees. It’s so quite, save the sound of wind in the trees, that my heart jumps at the sound of my own footfalls. I walk around the corner that I’ve been around before and know what to expect, but again there is always something unexpected to send my pulse racing. As I take this walk down the familiar woody road with my camera I realize, I am constantly slipping and backsliding in my relationship with you, God. I go right back to almost the beginning. I turn around and face away from you, and then walk away. I know what I do is wrong, but I don’t know how to right myself. That is when you take me by the shoulders, look me in the face and telling me softly that you love me. You take my hand and walk back the same road I just walked and point out the new things to me. Things I never saw before or never realized.
God, you are awesome! You never tire of coming back for me. Even if I do it a thousand time you will always come back running for me, take my hand, put your arm around me, or pick me up and walk with me again. You will never let me go. You love me too much to do that. If either of us gave up, it would create an ache that is impossible to bear for the both of us. Anyone that doesn’t have you is automatically unhappy and utter wretched.
And now here I stand, looking into your face with your hands on my shoulder. Take my hand and show me again the road I’ve already walked. Don’t let me go. Hold me tight to you, God. I think if I stray for you again I wouldn’t make it. Show me more of your beauty, God. I want to drink it in. I want to walk hand in hand with you forever.
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