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I really love to sing, it’s a gift that God has definitely given to me, and I do my best not to boast about it or make it seem like I’m prideful in my voice. I am on the vocal team for my youth group and regular Sunday morning church vocal team. For a long time I wasn’t taking it the way I was supposed to. When I was in fifth grade I sort of dreamt of being on the vocal team, and once I was asked to be on it, I took it as “Oh my word! Finally, they think my voice it good enough!” I’ve been on both vocal teams for a year and a half to about two years, and every time I was asked to sing I wasn’t thinking “I get to lead people in worship!”, I was thinking more of “Yay! I get to sing on a stage with a microphone!” So I wasn’t taking it seriously.
Usually I’m an introvert when it comes to worship. I’d so much rather sit in a corner singing my heart out with my eyes closed and crying. That is usually how I worship best. So while I’m leading worship, I have to basically make it a performance, which is NOT what worship is supposed to be about. When I realized that is what I was doing, I tried really hard to stop doing that, to just worship more outwardly with my heart, instead of inwardly. It was really hard.
Tonight I was on vocal team for the middle school youth group at my church, and some of those kids have an attention span of zero. Seeing how they weren’t taking it seriously almost made me depressed, and it was hard to make it seem like I was worshiping. So that is when I prayed. While I was singing I closed my eyes, and I just asked God to block it all out so I could focus on him and not worry about what I looked like or what I sounded like. It was the first time I truly worshiped on stage while I had a microphone in my hand. It was wonderful. Basically my full focus was on God, and not on the note a messed up a little bit on.
It really does make me so sad when I see people not taking worship seriously. I saw some young boys tonight that were acting pretty disrespectfully, and clearly showing with their actions they weren’t into the music at all. No matter what age group I’m helping lead worship to, majority of the people are just standing their looking at you with a blank stare. It pains me.
One thing does offer me comfort though. I loved, absolutely loved watching three of my best friends sitting in the front of the room all worshiping their hearts out. Each one of them were so inspiring to look at. Just looking at their faces and seeing such tranquility made me so happy, and it made me feel closer to God. When I get discouraged by blank faces, I know all I need to do is look at my friends Christine, Abby, and Kristy and I’ll be reminded of why I’m in the spotlight in the first place. I’m worshiping God.
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